The loss of a loved one is a difficult thing for anyone to process. Though they may be gone, we continue wanting to honor their life and cherish the memories we shared with them. Many people find comfort in visiting the graves of those who passed, strengthening the feeling that they are still watching over us even if they are gone. In the United States, it is common for people to leave a small token or decoration at the grave to show love and respect.
While many different items are considered
"acceptable" to be left at a grave, there are a few basic rules of
cemetery etiquette that you should follow to show respect to the entire
cemetery. Let's review some of the things that you should and shouldn't leave
at a grave.
Things You Should Leave at a Grave
- Flowers. Fresh flowers are one of the most universally accepted things
to leave at a grave site to honor and respect the dead. It is a beautiful way
to commemorate your loved one, while bringing natural beauty and color to their
gravestone. Leave them in a bouquet, or some gravestones will have a built-in
vase for the flowers. Just ensure you're following any rules the cemetery may
have about what kinds of flowers you can leave—for example, anything that could
be poisonous to wildlife that circles through the cemetery.
- Flags. Leaving a small flag by their grave on holidays, such as
Memorial Day or Veteran's Day, is respectful if your loved one served in the
military. When choosing a flag, make sure it isn't too large, as this can
distract other mourners. Additionally, if it's raining, you may not want to
leave an American flag out, as this can be viewed as disrespectful.
- Coins. Leaving coins at a grave is also universally acceptable, and
many cultures worldwide leave coins to show respect for the dead. The military,
in particular, has a tradition of leaving coins at graves, with different coins
having different meanings. Pennies signify you didn't know the dead but want to
show respect, nickels mean you went to the same boot camp, dimes mean you
served together, and quarters mean you were present when the loved one died.
- Stones. Per Jewish tradition, leaving small stones or pebbles on graves
is common. Historically, this was to protect the loved one's grave from evil
spirits and protect it from any animals that might pass by. Most people prefer
to leave stones as the elements will not damage them. You can choose various
stones, including birthstones, crystals, or rocks with special memories
attached to them (like a pebble from a beach you and your loved one visited).
What You Shouldn't Leave at a Grave
Though this can vary, the generally accepted rule is that you should not leave
things that break the cemetery's rules or anything that the elements can
damage. This includes:
- Fencing around the gravestone
- Vases
- Stuffed animals
- Plants and flowers that may be poisonous to wildlife, including poinsettias or holly berries
Talk with the groundskeepers at the cemetery to confirm what is allowed so you can show your love and respect without breaking any rules.
Adolf Funeral Home and Cremation Services prides itself on providing exemplary customer service. We take every measure to ensure you are satisfied with all your funeral planning and burial needs during this sensitive time of grief and mourning. In addition, our staff will do whatever it takes to make sure our positive workplace environment translates to your experience with us.
Adolf Funeral Home and Cremation Services has
served the Berwyn and Willowbrook areas for many years. We pride ourselves on
being large enough to provide professionalism and
reliability yet small enough to provide
personalized service. To discover more about how we can serve your needs,
please visit our website or call one of our
locations today.
Sources:
https://www.joincake.com/blog/what-to-leave-at-a-grave/
https://www.evrmemories.com/decorating-the-grave-of-a-loved-one
